Poopsmith...tagged...all this blasted tomfoolery

Aaron tagged me. I know exactly how it went down, too.

After finishing his post (which, by the way, is the sum total of all the words I've ever heard Aaron speak), Aaron thought, "Hmm...who should I tag?" After coming up with a couple of names, he fell out of his chair laughing.

"Honey!" yelled Aaron. "Come here for a sec!"

"Yes," Heather responded, "what is it?"

Laughing hysterically, Aaron managed to get the sentence out between laughing and trying to breathe. "I...just thought...to myself...what if I...(this is too good)...tagged Allen?" Another outburst followed. At first, it was just a faint smirk and a chuckle that emerged from Heather's mouth. Then, it was laughter. In a matter of seconds, she was doubled over at the very prospect, joining her husband on the floor rolling around and laughing at the inconvenience and utter disruption of the schedule that this will cause Allen Duty. They are still laughing to this very minute.

So, here are five things that you may not know about Allen Duty:

1. Gatorade and Nike athletic wear are possibly my two favorite things in the world. I love Gatorade and Nike stuff so much that, subconsciously, I may play sports so that I can wear Nike stuff and drink Gatorade before, during, and after my athletic endeavors. I have long believed that these companies (though Nike does this more often than Gatorade) need an "everyman" to be in their ads and that I'd be a great choice.

If any of you ever meet any executives from these companies, I'd appreciate you dropping in a good word.

2. From November to February, I nearly enter a state of depression if the weather gets over 50 degrees. You may think to yourself, "Allen, you live in Texas. Not only is it not that cold here, but the weather is terribly inconsistent at best." All I want for Christmas each year is consistently cold weather for three months and a few snow days. This desire is so great that I consider moving every year, brought back to reality only by my love for Living Hope, the nearness of our families, and the sheer hassle of relocating. The weather was probably my favorite part of living in North Carolina.

3. I absolutely, positively cannot stand pooping. Whenever I have to poop at home, I make sure that Kendra is nowhere near the bathroom and warn her not to come near the bathroom for the next 4-6 hours. It's not that I take really smelly poops, it's just that I think it's such a vile activity I don't even want my beautiful wife near it. There is nothing more embarrassing to me than pooping in a public place and having one other person enter the bathroom. I don't mind doing it if no one is in there or if there are 20 people in there, but there's nothing worse than pooping in a small bathroom and having one person come in there. Just thinking about it is making my stomach turn.

4. Home improvement projects are more fun to me than going to Six Flags. I would rather install a new ceiling fixture, paint the house, or build a new shelving system than do anything recreationally. Even though it stresses me out sometimes, I love it. If I had the time and I thought I could actually make some money doing it, I'd probably do that stuff for little old ladies and other people who don't like doing those things. Though I love the finished product, I love the process at least as much - especially if it involves using my cool power tools.

5. I'm a good student. By that, I don't mean that I make good grades. In fact, I barely eeked out a 3.0 in college. Good grades require LOTS of work for me, which is definitely not the case with my wife, Butch, or Aaron. Butch once took 20 hours one semester in seminary (that's master's school, people) and Aaron hardly ever took notes in undergrad. I'd get about a 17 if I tried that.

What I mean is that you can teach me to do just about anything in a relatively short amount of time. I'm willing to learn from you if you're willing to be patient with me, and I like learning new things.

So there you go - five new things about me, A.D. And, in typical Allen Duty fashion, I will not be tagging anyone. It was all I could do to log on to this dumb thing to post these answers.